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Comedy of Errors

Posted on Thu Jun 7th, 2012 @ 5:08pm by Captain Patrick O'Connor & Commander Charybdis

Mission: A Not So Simple Cruise
Location: USS Bonaventure
Tags: innuendo

On:

It was 0645 and Patrick was needing to get out the door and up to the bridge. He had slept, though not the most restful sleep, and had been awake for well over an hour. He'd had two large glasses of Vulcan spice tea, as well as as cup of Irish breakfast with a few muffins and jam. He checked his schedule for the day, noting that he had a meeting with the doctor this evening. He exited his quarters and made for the nearest turbolift.

The turbolift was empty when he entered and took hold of the pole, and he was about to express his destination when a voice that already sounded rather familiar to him called out "Hold the lift, please!" He held the door open controls and then there she was, the saucy nymph that had ensnared him in his current dilemma. She was alone and slightly out of breath, and as he watched her catch that breath in a rather spectacular manner he knew that this was possibly going to be the longest trip to the bridge in the history of StarFleet.

He smiled, and in a confident yet soft tone spoke, "Good morning lieutenant."

She smiled back at him demurely, violet eyes flickering up from the floor to meet his own as she stood with her hands clasped behind her back, trying not to crowd him while not being awkwardly obvious. "Good morning, Captain." She sounded, if anything, almost shy.

Spectacular failure on the lack of awkwardly obvious had been achieved on her part, and she looked as though she was fumbling for something more to say when the door swooshed open again to deposit them on the bridge. Both parties thanked their respective deities for brief turbolift rides as they headed to their individual stations, both already flustered before the day had even begun.

He is the captain of the command. Ignore him and tend to your duties, the reasonable voice of responsibility in her head told her, and it was correct, of course. So she moved quickly to her station and started generating the morning reports, then bent over to check the science station viewer to review the current active scans incoming from the sensors.

Patrick awkwardly made his way to his command chair, moving slowly, his face flushed. "Status report" he said softly.

"All systems are green sir." said Ak'Ahar from the helmsman's chair.

"Very good." He took a deep breath and took in the main viewscreen without turning to look at the science station. "Lieutenant Charybdis, I'd like to talk to you about the sensors. I'd like to enhance resolution and range to get the most bang for our buck, so to speak." He suddenly realized the double meaning in what he had just said. He hoped that she missed it, or that she was possibly unaware of the phrase's meaning in ancient earth lingo.

As he looked over, the science officer was still bent over her viewer, having arched her back and shifted her weight to one leg to very clearly demonstrate just why the women's uniforms came with matching colored briefs. And possibly that her uniform skirts needed to be longer than most officers.

"Yes Captain... I have a proposition for you to prospect, if you will allow me a moment to collect myself."

Patrick closed his eyes for a moment and tried to think of things that were as far away from arousal as possible. Long summer days in the Amazon rainforest. Arctic survival training on Andoria. Cleaning out the warp manifolds. Slowly he felt his racing pulse begin to slow and he was able to focus once more on his duties. "At your leisure, Lieutenant."

The pdd on her station began to slide, and she reached out to secure it, then flipped a few switches on her station all without looking up from the viewer. She was, apparently, quite oblivious to the possible content of his statement, though Ak'Ahar looked back at him with an expression that indicated that he had certainly understood it.

She finished with her scans, then carried the pdd with her to bounce down to the command deck, where she took up position next to him on his starboard flank. A bit too close to his starboard flank, perhaps... if she sneezed she was going to be using his arm for a brassiere. She handed him a data card, then launched into her presentation.

"My proposal is something very much within our grasp, Captain," the sensual science officer began, and Ak'Ahar coughed slightly.

Patrick was trying very hard to ignore every bit of sexual stimuli that was coming his way right now, which was rather intense. Her proximity to him, the sweet smell of her perfume, and several other items of note were all rather quickly starting to take a toll on him. She was talking; he knew that because even the sound of her voice was getting to him, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, but he was so preoccupied with keeping his cool that he was only hearing about every third word. He tried to focus his thoughts, staring at her lips in hopes that he might decipher what she was saying at a better clip.

"At the moment, the sensors are calibrated to Starfleet Standard; however, I have changed the resolution on them considerably to make them demand much more power and require far more attention. However, this has the benefit of practically doubling their range, the size of their field of effect and their intensity, and I am making arrangements for them to be watched very closely to insure that they are very well tended."

Commander Ak'Ahar snickered inadvertently at the helm, and stoically pretended that had not just happened.

Staring at her lips had been a bad idea. All he had managed to do was to focus on them, seeing how lush and plump and inviting they were, filling him with the great desire to embrace her passionately. Only the slight snicker from Ak'Ahar had saved him from himself, bringing him back to the moment. He nodded and did his best to look interested. "Go on."

"Now, there are a variety of slots open in our bays, specifically Sensor Bay Five. I've had my department heads working over the sensors to reassign and reposition them in order to make them much easier to access. And with easier access that in turn will make them far easier to tend regularly. You see, the long range sensors are designed to receive packages... er, specialty packages, that is. They plug directly into the sensors, and we can use them to scan for particles, unusual wavelengths of energy, spatial anomalies, supernovas and pulsars, space warps, tachyon streams, bodies in motion... the possibilities are endless."

Patrick was nodding like a puppy that was being teased with a treat for the first time. He hoped he was just reading into things too much. He felt his legs becoming weak, like jelly. It was a good thing he was sitting, because standing would not be an option at this particular moment. And even if it were, he would feel an awful lot like a guilty schoolboy... he really did not want to stand up right at this particular moment.

Determined, seemingly oblivious, the hell-bent Charybdis continued pressing her points. "And by inserting the packages at different ports, they can achieve a number of very satisfying effects via placement, cycling speeds or sympathetic vibration..."

This had not sounded nearly as suggestive when she had written it, yet somehow she was inadvertently managing to turn a very dry science department proposal into something that sounded like... no, she was pretty certain that this definitely counted as innuendo, and not terribly thinly-veiled, either. Her cheeks were slowly tinting a shade of olive as she came to this realization, but she pressed on, determined to get through this.

Commander Ak'Ahar and Ensign Kruyten were both shaking gently in their seats, trying very, very hard not to laugh aloud... and for the moment they were succeeding, but the strain was telling on them both.

Patrick thought his heart might pound right out of his chest, and desperately he thought back to the conversation with Siivas yesterday. Perhaps Vulcan meditation wouldn't be such a bad thing right at this particular moment. After all, Vulcans only mated every once in a while, though they kept that aspect rather secretive. But it certainly seemed like a good option at this juncture, or perhaps a jump into lough conn back home. Even the doctor's jovial remark about castration was beginning to seem preferable to the current tension. He tried to sound as professional as possible, "So the sensors are capable of taking a pounding, especially if we get rocked a bit, am I understanding you correctly?"

Nodding enthusiastically the voluptuous Vulcan smiled broadly. "Oh yes sir! I think you'll find that they can take just about anything you can dish out and they'll bounce right back and be ready for more... Captain..." The sole advantage that he could see in this situation was that she was terrible at concealing her own emotions, and no sooner had the words come out of her mouth that she realized how what she had said actually sounded. He definitely wasn't the only one shaken up in this exchange.

"S-so my proposition- proposal, my proposal is to set three of the science teams to doing some hands-on work down there... to handle the long range sensors, to erect some- BUILD, build some packages to be thrust into the open sensor package slots to experiment while we are making progress towards our climax DESTINATION." Her cheeks were now completely mint green, and her fingers were making indentations in the aluminum pdd in her hand, which was beginning to groan from metal fatigue. Her eyebrows were knitting together so severely at her brow they were nearly vertical, and overall she looked horrifically frustrated.

"Scanning for neutron radiation, chroniton particles and Z-Particle emissions!" she managed to growl out through clenched teeth with her eyes closed. Finally, something that couldn't possibly be misinterpreted!

"Sounds like a lot of work to do something so simple. But, I can certainly appreciate wanting to get hands on. Nothing like the feel of the tools, the excitement of seeing the piston-like movements of the components working in full sync, making sure everything remains properly lubricated and aligned so that you get maximum effect. We'd have to redirect plasma flow to the secondary release valve, and gently squeeze, er, I mean release, manually release the bosom -- BRUSSARD! Manually release the Brussard collector latch so that we can safely release the excess energy payload."

Patrick placed his hand up to his forehead and sank down. While the snickering was barely audible, you could see the bodily upheavals as the entirety of the Bridge crew tried to contain their laughter. "I approve of you- ah, your project. Perhaps you ought to go grab hold of whatever personnel and equipment you will need to ensure a proper and thorough job is done. I have always striven to ensure that I did everything within my power to please my superior." He shook his head again. "Check that, I have always wanted to do the best possible job so that everyone is ultimately satisfied." He tried very hard to not burst out laughing himself at how provocative this had all gotten. One of them would have to exit the bridge now if they were to save face at all.

The buxom lieutenant was barely keeping it together herself, though he couldn't be sure if laughter, lust or mortification was what was trying to get the best of her "Yessir, I'll get right on top of that... I mean, I'll slide it into my... I mean... I'm, um, I'm going to Engineering now. Right now. Right? Good? Sensors?" With that she nearly ran for the turbolift, and as it opened she hooked her thumb at it and said, "May I go down... I mean dismissed, may I be dismissed?"

At that, without waiting to be dismissed she finally just dropped her shoulders, hung her head and stepped into the turbolift. The doors closed behind her, and that was when the Bridge crew made one more discovery.

As efficient as Lieutenant Charybdis was, she apparently had never read the specs and checked the soundproofing of the turbolift. This was made rather obvious because she did not activate the lift before thumping something rather solid into the back wall of the car, then letting out a rather protracted "AAAAAAARGH!!!!" of frustration.

As the bridge began to let loose with gut busting laughter, everyone suddenly remembered that the captain, the other half of this comedic incident, was still present on the bridge. As they all looked in his direction, they saw he face was almost as red as his hair, mostly likelt from embarrassment. From his vantage point, Ensign Sato, who was now manning the science station could see what looked like finger indentions on the captain's chair where his hands had been for most of the conversation, along with traces of blood. The captain stood, left the XO in charge of the bridge and made his way to sickbay, to deal with a medical issue. At his departure, the laughing resumed.

Off: So ends this comedy of errors, or might it be "Days of Our Lives" LOL

Capt Patrick O'Connor and Lt Charybdis

 

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