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Message from Robert/Chase

Posted on Tue Sep 6th, 2011 @ 9:54am by Lieutenant Commander Jessica Knox

Special message from Cmdr Chase:

I owe the crew an apology, you see real life came crashing in around me and instead of talking to you guys about it, I ran. That’s not what this is all about. I just said in a news item how we are all friends who stick together, then I try running. That was stupid and childish. My disability was denied and the fact that I had no real life worries was how I had the time and patience to work as hard as I did. Now with the real life problems back on board, I just don’t see how I can juggle everything.
You guys work your butts off for the Liberty, some writing 60 posts, some researching for our future missions, some working on the web site with their little spare time, some learning new code just to install chat clients to help recruit. We all go beyond our call of duty for this ship and fleet, but sometimes it feels I am so alone in doing things. The admirals have a busy real life just like everyone else does, then they have to spend their time working on the site fixing the glitches etc. But I have to beg people not to give up on us when we transfer them off because these players feel abandoned if too much time passes.
Then I get the blame, which normally wouldn’t matter to me, except this month the pressure was really on to have a good storyline. Then, I ended up rushing the storyline because of deadlines and breaks I took that now I think I shouldn’t have. It’s not like they helped me catch up any anyways. September 11th is a few days away, and I had hoped to have something special planned for us, but it doesn’t look like I will get that done either. People ask me about awards, and I have no control over that either. I am not an admiral; I don’t want to ever be one. I don’t even want to be a Captain, I have always been the Commander, and that’s what I always want to be.
Then I started getting my emails from you guys, which I admit I didn’t read most of because I didn’t really have the time to. I decided to take some of my medications and just rest, but I also spoke with Peart. You guys couldn’t work much harder without legally drawing a paycheck, so please guys don’t think it’s your fault. Normally this would have been no more pressure than any other day, but with reality coming back into the picture, I really don’t see how I can maintain my duties like I have been doing. I should have emailed the group and just explained stuff and asked for help. I am sorry I didn’t.
Brandon has asked me back, and I will be back, but this time I may need some help from the crew when it comes to the storylines. The current mission has had several complaints and I can’t fix them at the moment because I can’t think of any way to do it. You guys are right, we are a battle ship officially, but we rarely do battles. I have been around so many years that I have seen every battle there really is to be had. That can be said for Susan as well, and I had hoped to create a game that didn’t rely on repeating the same battles over and over. For new players though, this could kinda suck and I forgot that.
We have all enjoyed, I think, the continuous storyline but I think I need more help on creating the battles. In all my years I have been mostly a counselor, diplomatic officer or XO. (There was that brief time as a captain but that’s not for me) I feel really bad that I threw the ship into the same turmoil I am in emotionally. That wasn’t supposed to happen but I was too drained to write a resignation letter that made much sense. If anything ever does happen to me, you guys shouldn’t quit. The Liberty was a gift from Admiral Wheeler to us, but now its your home. You have earned it, each one of you has. When I was trying to think about going to another ship, I couldn’t do it. I would miss each of you too much. This is the first time I have come to really know a crew, which we can blame on facebook, but leaving the ship turned out to feel like a loss, not a solution, towards my problems.
I appreciate that you all jumped into action trying to cover each problem I had on my plate, to make your support known, but nobody was to blame for this but me. Susan can tell you, I have never done well when I start having the pressure build up, but that doesn’t mean that you guys can’t come to me. Before this happened, I had started the process of writing in solutions, it’s just reality didn’t hold on long enough for me to get the storyline written out. This mission we are on now is more about getting 3 or 4 promotions written into the storyline. Can’t really promote people from our last mission, we had one that Starfleet doesn’t really reward for, but our Second Officer has already been chosen, another Lt. CMNDR is in the plans to cover the hours of the ship when no other command officer is around, I mean several things are in play, it just takes time to do it and maintain the integrity of a storyline.
I think I shot our chances to hell in winning the contest, and for that I am sorry. Story of my life really though. Hopefully ship awards can get done soon, I know you guys work your butts off to see those awards and the fleet awards. I don’t know what happened to last month’s fleet awards, but I was told sometimes its bi-monthly so I am sure something will be done this month. Sometimes I start to feel bad for the crew, because each of you do so much and each of you end up being nominated for awards then never get to see that we nominated you. By time you win something, we all have forgotten what that mission or post was really about.
Don’t blame anyone else though, this was my screw up, which just shows I am as human as anyone else. Brandon will reinstate me tonight, and I will read up on the mission and see where we can go from there.


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Category: Out of Character